Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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