Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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