I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
