HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
