Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
