FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
