you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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