don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
