Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
