If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize