I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
