both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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