I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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