did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
