you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
