I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
