Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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