then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We need to rekindle our bromance
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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