YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize