he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
