BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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