I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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