The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
