Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
40s are totally the cure
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize