I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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