saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
