im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My pussy is not your playground.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
