i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
