my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
