Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
