strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
