My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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