Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
