glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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