Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
