Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
