Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
