I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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