coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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