Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
