i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize