i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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