I wish my penis had an off switch
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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