Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
