YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
