hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
PANTIES FOUND
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
