I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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