i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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