McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
