PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
