apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have aggressive nipples.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
