dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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