I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
