I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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