My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
