Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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