Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
