thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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