Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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