when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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