Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize