It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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