I smell stomach acid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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