he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
