i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
