You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
