well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How external is "for external use only"?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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