I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
