I think i sorta joined a cult last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
