I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
