I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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