I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
