If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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