I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
