I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
