I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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