you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i love accidental penises.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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