Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize